A Private Affair

Whatever happened to the dance? I don't mean the samba or waltz or tootsie roll. I mean the dinner dance, the private ball? No one has them anymore.

Last week I re-read Party of the Century by Deborah Davis, chronicling Truman Capote's famous Black and White Ball of 1966. I was carried away into a sea of invitations, decorations, jewels, and coiffure, the likes of which we rarely ever see today. At least not privately. Sure there's a ton of grand social occasions like the Costume Institute Gala at the MET, and other such institutional and charitable events, but its not the same. It lacks that special quality that only a private affair can have.

Marella Agnelli arriving at the Black and White Ball.


Gloria Guinness, Bill and Babe Paley at the Black and White Ball


Princess Lee and Prince Stas Radziwill at the Black and White Ball

Maybe its the idea of one host and/or hostess who orchestrates the whole thing. That singular vision of a very elegant man or woman and how that vision is made manifest in every detail. The nuance of the guest list, invitations, decorations, menu, music all say something about the host and what kind of world they want to create, if only for an evening. It doesn't even have to be a big to do. It can be very intimate. It doesn't have to be a ball, what about a dinner party for 10 or 12, but executed beautifully. The music doesn't have to be live , but stimulating- encouraging dance and/or conversation. Or having a musically gifted guest regale the party on the piano or with song. Something. Anything. Grand or simple, just as long as its beautiful and special

I know there is no dearth of stylish people people out there, so why are there no great hosts/hostesses anymore like there used to be? Or maybe its not that they don't exist anymore, just that they are not praised and celebrated publicly for their social achievements. More and more our society admires celebrity (i referring to the idea of fame moreso than the famous) and more and more celebrity goes to those (the famous) who are vaguely worthy of it.

I understand that American life has changed drastically in the last 50 or 60 years, but why? We still like to wear beautiful things and go beautiful places and spend time with interesting people, both familiar and new, so why has entertaining- and even larger, entertainment- become so... so ordinary, so mediocre. I say mediocre, because something can be casual and still be spectacularly extraordinary in style. Hanging out with 20 of your dearest friends and family is casual, but it can be beautiful because of the surroundings as well as because of the love.

And to go back to my point about entertainment, theres no place to go for a chic night out. I realize not everyone now or back in the day could afford to entertain in a grand style, but you could always get dressed in your finest and go to a supper club. Where are El Morocco, Cocoanut Grove, the Cotton Club, Tropicana, the Stork Club and all those other places where the decor was outstanding, the food was delicious, the music was sweet, and the crowd was dazzling??!!! You can't go to a restaurant now in black tie and evening gown, without looking sorely out of place. So what is an aesthete to do?


Lee Radziwill and Gianni Agnelli leaving Maxim's, Paris' chicest restaurant where one always dresses!

This could go on and on. I won't even begin to list the countless grand balls one could immulate like the Beistegui Ball, Proust Ball, Oriental Ball of Baron de Rede, the balls of Antonio Lopez-Wilshaw and Antenor Patino and Jacques Fath. Nor will I go on about how the Americans never learned how to entertain (or simply LIVE for that matter) the way the Europeans do and argue that the Europenas do it better than we. It would just take too long and get my blood pressure up (and as a black man, I don't need any more reason for hypertension!). So instead of writing a dissertation on the collapse of grandeur as we know it, I am just putting these thoughts and questions out there for you and the rest of the country to ponder. I just can't imagine living in a world where people's only memory of a formal is prom and maybe their wedding!! We have got to do something about this sad state of affairs and bring back the NORMALITY of elegant social life.

Semper Chic!



Here a picture of Bill and Babe Paley from 1952 going to their in-laws Jock and Betsey Whitney's home Greentree (which was next door to the Paley's Kiluna Farm) for what is obviously a very elegant evening. Can you imagine going to your sister's house for dinner in black-tie today?? That's whats up! And I bet it wasn't even that out of the ordinary for them; just another evening at Greentree. You can't even get people to dress for dinner these days!


C.Z. and Winston Guest on their way to a ball in Palm Beach 1958


Gianni and Marella Agnelli having a glamorous night out.


Patricia, Mrs. Arturo Lopez-Wilshaw, in repose in her chateau in Neuilly, France. Probably thinking about the many glamourous moments she will spend in this couture confection!