Saturday, April 11, 2009

Everyday Life and Observations: A Conversation with Life

So I sent Life a note in the mail yesterday. It went as such:

"Life, I am tired of having to knock on your door every damn day. Hoping you will answer. Hoping you will give me what I am actually there for.
Why don't you come to my house and knock on my damn door for a change. You know where I live. And bring something decent with ya..."

The post office was especially quick. He called me up this morning. I answered on my gorgeous rotary phone. The conversation went as such:

Me: "Hello?"

Life: "I got your letter."

Me: "Oh really. That was fast. I was about to send you an addendum post card saying 'Or am I going to have just keep knocking till I knock your damn door down?!'
So why are you calling?"

Life: "To tell you that the reason I don't knock at your door is because the house you have built for yourself is too grand and intimidating. I am scared to even approach your gate, much less knock on your mahogany french doors."

Me: "Oh Life, you damn fool! Don't you know I built this for you. For you to come and live and bring all that you have, good and bad, with you. But you never come so I lock myself away in here because of you. You are the one to blame. Not me"

Life: "But I wanted to build your house. A real house. With you, over time. But you built your own house. A house of illusion, built of dreams, hopes, fantasy and the house of illusion you built is so grand, theres no way you'll ever leave it for a more modest, real house with me."

Me: "Thats not true, Life. I had to build this house because I had no place else to live. But I only wanted to stay here til you answered your door or until you came for me. I don't like this house as much as it seems. Its drafty, it doesn't keep out the wind and the cold. The colors have faded since my youth when I first built it. So come, already, and lets go build a real house together."

There was a pause.

Life: "Meet me outside your gates"

Me: "I don't know. I have tried to meet you before. All those times I knocked on your door. All those times I stood outside my gates, everyone else zooming by with their Life, waiting for you and you never showed up. You left me standing there, with my hopes in my hands, crushed, and running back into my maison d'illusions.
Promise me you'll be there."

Life: "I promise I'll be there, but I can't promise me I'll be what you want me to be or have waiting what you want me to have. I can only show up as I am, just like you can only show up as you are."

Me: "What about all those times you didn't show up?"

Life: "I always showed up. I just didn't have anything for you. So you didn't see me. Or you saw me and was disappointed that I didn't have anything or that I didn't have what you wanted and so you didn't take me in or go with me."

Me: "What else was I supposed to do?! What else was I supposed to see?! I wasn't asking for the moon and the sun and the stars. Just a little bit of....something, anything to let me know it was worth the effort, that I was worthy of something good."

Life: "I know, but thats just not how I operate. Its one of my many flaws. But if you love me, you have to take me as I am."

Me: "I don't know if I love you."

Life: "Then why don't you give up."

Me: "I can't. I don't know why, but I can't."

Life: "Thats because you love yourself and you love me and you love what we have even when its positively dreadful a lot of times."

Me: "Well..."

Life: "Just keep believing in yourself and in me. And keep meeting me and I know at some point I will give you what you need, what you want. Just try and be patient with me. Can you do that?"

Me, tears in my eyes, trying to breath: "I think I can."

Life: "Then meet me outside your gate, everyday, and I'll be there."

Me: "Ok. I'll try."

Life: "Thats all I ask. I love you."

Me: "I love you too."

Friday, April 10, 2009

Everyday Life and Observations

Why dont I ever see drag queens or cross dressers in career separates or business attire?! No really. I know its funny, but its true. You never see it.
I have never seen one "show up and show out", as they say, in a Tahari suit, or something by Ellen Tracy, or even a St.John Knit. I personally would have a lot more respect for one who was walking around town, looking so pulled together for day.
And while, we are at it, I don't ever see them embracing current high fashion trends, at all. I have never seen one trying to adapt a viable runway look. Never have I seen one sporting something remotely resembling Lanvin or Giambattista Valli, or even vintage St. Laurent or vintage Balenciaga-- all of whom make/made clothes with silhouettes and porportions that would be very flattering to their "non-traditional" body types. Much more so than Cavalli, Versace, and Alaia inspired looks. And I am well-aware that they can't afford to buy these designers- who can these days- but you can definitely get the look for less. And if you are going to have something made, as many of them do, why not have something made that references Poiret or Mainbocher for a change rather than always Gaultier or Mugler.
Think outside the box. Think Nina Simone instead of Diana Ross. June Christy instead of Cher. Or lets compromise and agree on Jospehine Baker, the best of both worlds!
Just my thoughts...

Everyday Life and Observations

Life, I am tired of having to knock on your door every damn day. Hoping you will answer. Hoping you will give me what I am actually there for.
Why don't you come to my house and knock on my damn door for a change. You know where I live. And bring something decent with ya...

Am I alone in these sentiments?

Everyday Life and Observations

Isn't it funny how sometimes your mood and the weather sync up and at other times its completely opposite?

Some days, I wake up and look out the window, and its cloudy and rainy, and I get this warm, cozy feeling that makes me want to throw a scarf or cowl neck on and some shoulder pads and listen to slow jams. This is a good thing, for me. I call these Quiet Storm days. I like Quiet Storm days. I can't have too many in a row, because I need the sunshine or the mood will quickly change. I can deal with maybe 3 Q.S. days in a row.

Then other days, I wake up and I look out the window, and its sunny and bright, and I get this dragging, shiftless feeling that makes me want to lay about in my house coat and listen to "Good Morning, Heartache" and "Black Coffee". This is not a good thing. I hate those days. And whereas feeling good on a Q.S. day is optimistic, feeling bad on a sunny day, is even more depressing. Don't get me wrong, I can listen to and enjoy Good Morning Heartache and Black Coffee when I am in a great mood, but I FEEL those songs when I am in a low.

Today is a very cloudy rainy day here in Nashville. And when I woke up (for good, not the first time which never counts) and I looked out the window, instead of feeling Quiet Storm, I felt Good Morning Heartache.

So whats the point? The weather probably has little to do with it. That we are just going to feel what we feel, when we feel it, however we feel it, no matter what. So I guess all you can do is just deal with it and keep it movin'.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Emails from an Ideal Life... (fiction by Charles Brown)

Hope everything is going well at work.
Can you stop on the way home and pick up some milk and tissue? And we're almost out of rum and we will probably need some for tomorrow night. Also, can you bring home from the office a few yards of that beaded midnight blue peau d'ange from last season? I think I might whip up a long tunic for the party. Thank you so much, Dear!
We're having chicken and roasted potatoes for dinner. I love you and I'll see you when you get home.

Emails from an Ideal Life... (fiction by Charles Brown)

Congrats on the last collection! I heard the line was picked up by Galeries Lafayette...thats outrageous! And, don't say anything yet, but you are in the running for the September cover. I'm having lunch with Mimi O. next week and I am TELLING her she has GOT to get that ottoman suit and that champagne gazar cocktail dress from the collection.
I'll be in town on the 18th. Lets do lunch then. The Waverly Inn or 21? I'm not doing La Grenouille again with don't know how to act!! LOL!
Luvs ya!

Emails from an Ideal Life... (fiction by Charles Brown)

Why didn't you wake me before you left this morning?? You know I hate waking up and you're not there. Well, you must have know how much I needed the rest.
Anyway, I hope you are having a lovely day so far, despite the rain. Don't dawdle getting home. The rain inspired me and I made a new Quiet Storm mix cd...from vinyl! Yes, all the crackin' and poppin' included! I am getting a bottle of Riesling, the pasta is in the oven, and I will start the fire at 5. Can't wait to see you...