Everyday Life and Observations: A Conversation with Life

So I sent Life a note in the mail yesterday. It went as such:

"Life, I am tired of having to knock on your door every damn day. Hoping you will answer. Hoping you will give me what I am actually there for.
Why don't you come to my house and knock on my damn door for a change. You know where I live. And bring something decent with ya..."

The post office was especially quick. He called me up this morning. I answered on my gorgeous rotary phone. The conversation went as such:

Me: "Hello?"

Life: "I got your letter."

Me: "Oh really. That was fast. I was about to send you an addendum post card saying 'Or am I going to have just keep knocking till I knock your damn door down?!'
So why are you calling?"

Life: "To tell you that the reason I don't knock at your door is because the house you have built for yourself is too grand and intimidating. I am scared to even approach your gate, much less knock on your mahogany french doors."

Me: "Oh Life, you damn fool! Don't you know I built this for you. For you to come and live and bring all that you have, good and bad, with you. But you never come so I lock myself away in here because of you. You are the one to blame. Not me"

Life: "But I wanted to build your house. A real house. With you, over time. But you built your own house. A house of illusion, built of dreams, hopes, fantasy and the house of illusion you built is so grand, theres no way you'll ever leave it for a more modest, real house with me."

Me: "Thats not true, Life. I had to build this house because I had no place else to live. But I only wanted to stay here til you answered your door or until you came for me. I don't like this house as much as it seems. Its drafty, it doesn't keep out the wind and the cold. The colors have faded since my youth when I first built it. So come, already, and lets go build a real house together."

There was a pause.

Life: "Meet me outside your gates"

Me: "I don't know. I have tried to meet you before. All those times I knocked on your door. All those times I stood outside my gates, everyone else zooming by with their Life, waiting for you and you never showed up. You left me standing there, with my hopes in my hands, crushed, and running back into my maison d'illusions.
Promise me you'll be there."

Life: "I promise I'll be there, but I can't promise me I'll be what you want me to be or have waiting what you want me to have. I can only show up as I am, just like you can only show up as you are."

Me: "What about all those times you didn't show up?"

Life: "I always showed up. I just didn't have anything for you. So you didn't see me. Or you saw me and was disappointed that I didn't have anything or that I didn't have what you wanted and so you didn't take me in or go with me."

Me: "What else was I supposed to do?! What else was I supposed to see?! I wasn't asking for the moon and the sun and the stars. Just a little bit of....something, anything to let me know it was worth the effort, that I was worthy of something good."

Life: "I know, but thats just not how I operate. Its one of my many flaws. But if you love me, you have to take me as I am."

Me: "I don't know if I love you."

Life: "Then why don't you give up."

Me: "I can't. I don't know why, but I can't."

Life: "Thats because you love yourself and you love me and you love what we have even when its positively dreadful a lot of times."

Me: "Well..."

Life: "Just keep believing in yourself and in me. And keep meeting me and I know at some point I will give you what you need, what you want. Just try and be patient with me. Can you do that?"

Me, tears in my eyes, trying to breath: "I think I can."

Life: "Then meet me outside your gate, everyday, and I'll be there."

Me: "Ok. I'll try."

Life: "Thats all I ask. I love you."

Me: "I love you too."