Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Everyday Life and Observations

This has been one of the most trying years of my life and I have spent a lot of time trying to find answers to very difficult, self-existential questions. Far too many and far too personal to ever attempt to get into here. But, as the year closes and I find myself coming into a deeper sense of peace, if not better understanding, of my life and the substance thereof, I have come to some conclusions...

The most important of these conclusions is that you must see yourself and love yourself as God loves you and as God sees you. Not as people do. Nor in relation to situations, circumstances, or environments. None of these things make you who you are and thus do not impact God's love for you, positively or negatively, or the way He sees you, positively or negatively. The only thing that matters is that you love God and you love yourself and that you show this not so much by the things you do or don't do, but by the way you think, see, and feel about yourself and Him. And in truth, you can't truly love, honor and cherish yourself without loving God, and vice versa.

So when you do or say something that you don't feel great about deep down-not on the surface, because thats where opinions and circumstances abide, but really deep in your heart and soul- thats when God isn't pleased. And in reverse, when you do or say something that makes you feel happy and proud and fulfilled, thats when God is pleased. But most commonly and thus most profoundly, when you live an ordinary day where you may feel a little up in the morning, a little down in the afternoon; when you neither did anything remarkably good or detestably bad; when you just were YOU, with all the confusion, clarity, delusion, lucidity, haplessness, grace, anguish, joy, frailty, might, foolishness, & wisdom that comes with being you, God is alright with you and you are alright with Him.

Once you got that, all the other stuff that doesn't make sense or you can't find order to, seems not so daunting and you realize you will work it out, what you can work out, in time. And the rest is up to God and thus will also find its place in time. Its sounds so easy, but if you loose sight of how God sees you, separate from the situation, it can all seem too overwhelming.

1 comment:

Aaron said...

Child, you know I am going to reference this entry many times. It is absolutely true and beautiful. You are wise beyond your years.